how do you respond when your child hurts your feelings?

My mom use to say, "When they are little, they will step on your toes. When they are bigger, they will step on your heart".

Teens want to spend time with friends over you. Go have a nice dinner with hubby. How often can you guys have alone time? Your relationship is the most important. Kids will grow up and leave and you both will be left on your own together. You need to keep your relationship good and alive.
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
To the bolded, omg. I think I shall go crawl under a rock somewhere and cry. Oy!

I totally agree with the second part of your post. You just reminded me of something my mom had hanging on the wall of the apartment I grew up in. It was kind of ironic because my mom had so much difficulty letting go. Perhaps this illustrated my mother's struggle:

Your children are not your children,
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but are not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and
He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
So he loves also the bow that is stable.

An excerpt from Kahlil Gibran's, "The Prophet."
I disagree with the past few posters...or most of you guys, I guess. Friends are great, I can well remember wanting to be with my friends more than my family. It is totally normal at that age. However, children are not the center of the world They need to learn that other people's feelings count. If someone in your family asks you to a birthday dinner, you go. It means something to the other person so even if it is not the thing you want to do most in the world, you go. You act nice for a few hours, you get on with your life.

Also, family is more important than friends. Eleven is way too young to let friends be the biggest influence. A family dinner is more important than random friend stuff, especially if you run your butt off getting them around to friend stuff all the time.

I don't think he should be in trouble or be made to feel guilty but I think it's a good lesson - sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do because it is important to your parents. Your parents do a lot for you, you can sit through one birthday dinner and be nice. Not a big deal. It's not like you're asking him to miss prom or you're mad because he didn't PLAN a birthday dinner for you, you just want him to attend one meal with family.

I am pretty sure at 11, he thinks his birthdays and wants are pretty meaningful and should be meaningful to you, kids need to learn to think of others. It doesn't come naturally for a while so we have to walk them through the steps.
Thanks, CGNYC! I really appreciate your post.

My son was not at all in trouble for what he said, and I did not
try to make him feel guilty or punish him. I stated my feelings to him in a calm way.

Take care,
I totally agree with CG. That's how it was in my family growing up. I could not state it any better.

That being said we are a really tight-knit family. All 3 of us adult kids talk with our parents a few times a week because we want to. They managed to instill in us the importance of family and not create a rift. It's totally possible to do this without being nasty.
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