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Lotsawaves 05-15-2012 11:37 AM

I'm Torn.....About a Man
I've been dating a man for the past 3 weeks. He is wonderful to me, yet he is suffocating me and moving too fast. I will list the pros and cons and I'd appreciate your opinions.


Loves to dance and he is taking dance classes with me.
Loves to cook and we are signed up for some cooking lessons together.
He never comes over empty handed. He brings me flowers, wine, food, etc.
He takes me out a lot.
He is very spiritual.


He can't keep off me. He's always draped around me and kissing me. He doesn't care where we are.
He's already said he loves me and wants to marry me.
He stares at me and sighs a lot.
He calls me baby over and over again.
He calls me every night.
He wants us to start traveling together.
He is an attractive man, but not really my type physically.

I think possibly if I was more attracted to him the cons wouldn't bother me so much. I'm not sure. I'm not a real touchy feely person and I like to take things slow. He is out of town on business and will be gone 10 days so I get a break, but I also feel I need to break it off, but I'm not sure how to word it to him without hurting him. Help?

Springcurl 05-15-2012 11:42 AM

No matter what you're going to hurt him so just tell him it's over and you don't feel the same.

The New Black 05-15-2012 12:15 PM

Any time someone wanted to move that fast with me, they turned out to be needy or up to no good.

spiderlashes5000 05-15-2012 12:39 PM

It does sound disingenuous. But I have met a couple of guys who acted this way (overly affectionate/overly interested) bc they thought women wanted it, but didn't mean any harm.

Why did you guys sign up for these classes and stuff so fast?

If you could get him to cool it, would you still want to break up w/ him?

CurlyCanadian 05-15-2012 01:10 PM

I'm not a mushy person AT ALL and the first 3 cons had me shuttering :(

Have you told him how you're feeling??

If their is no chemistry, just break it off, but if you think he could curb some of the gushy stuff and it might, let him know!

Lotsawaves 05-15-2012 01:25 PM

I met him at the club I frequent on the weekends. We had danced a few dances and talked some. I liked his personality more than his looks. There was a flyer stating that there would be dance classes on Wednesday nights for West Coast Swing. We were both interested and he asked if I would partner with him. It's been fun and we go to dinner afterwards. Thru our conversations he told me he would like to take a cooking class. He asked if I wanted to take one with him. I've always wanted to so I told him yes. I thought it was great that we were interested in the same things. I told him I wanted to take it very slow and he said he understood. I was hoping that with time I would feel a spark. Maybe I would have, but the smothering me is really turning me off.

spiderlashes5000 05-15-2012 02:12 PM

Are you sure you want to break up w/ him or are you undecided about that?

Have you gotten physical? Best way to know if there is a spark is to something physical...

Either it's there or it's not.

If you're sure it's not, just end it asap bc the longer it goes on, the deeper his feeings are likely to be. Maybe say you see him as more of a friend than as a bf.

roseannadana 05-15-2012 03:01 PM

I felt smothered just reading your post! Sorry but his infatuation is immature or worse, controlling. I would end it and try to be friends if he is willing.

Dedachan 05-15-2012 03:12 PM

You don't sound torn to me. I think you want to dump him, you're just dreading having to give the bad news or having a moment of self-doubt. There's so little enthusiasm in your post.

It seems to me the pros are mostly about superficial things, like hobbies or the usual romantic pampering that comes with dating, whereas the cons speak more about his personality.

scrills 05-15-2012 03:20 PM

Lotsa, can I have some of whatever you've been drinking? It seems like you are always finding men ;-)

Lotsawaves 05-15-2012 03:23 PM

I've been feeling torn, because we have so much in common and I would have fun with him and he is a very considerate, sweet man. BUT the smothering and the lack of physical attraction has gotten to be too much.

We were physical last night. I have to say it was probably the best sex I've ever had, but thru the whole thing he talked and talked and talked. He must have called me baby 50 times. I thought about either putting my hand over his mouth or telling him to shut up. I think bottom line he tries way too hard.

I was talking to a friend of mine a few minutes ago and telling her about this and I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. My heart was racing. I was feeling so much frustration. That made me realize what I needed to do, so I emailed him a few minutes ago. I know it was pretty chicken, but I don't want him trying to talk me out of ending this. Hopefully he'll learn something.

Lotsawaves 05-15-2012 03:27 PM


Originally Posted by scrills (Post 1954351)
Lotsa, can I have some of whatever you've been drinking? It seems like you are always finding men ;-)

LOL! I get out there. I use to sit at home on the weekends and didn't date for probably 4 years. Not anymore. I'm having a blast, but not meeting my Mr Right.

Wiregirl 05-15-2012 04:19 PM

Lotsa, he sounds like the last guy I broke up with, after 6 months he got so clingy it was crazy. I hadn't dated in years and enjoyed his affection in the beginning. I think I was so man starved that I found it flattering. Go with your gut on this one!

texascurly 05-15-2012 04:37 PM

Oh man...I can't wait to hear about his reaction to the email!!:laughing6:

sleepymeko 05-15-2012 04:52 PM

It's only been 3 wks so there isn't much investment. I would just move on and find someone else.

Lotsawaves 05-15-2012 05:00 PM

I keep checking my email every 5 minutes. I don't have internet at home, so I hope to hear something before I have to go home. I really, really don't want to hurt him. I told him that we wouldn't be happy if we continued together. He would feel neglected and I would feel smothered.

I'm actually relieved that he showed himself early on. I'd hate to invest 6 or more months with him and then learn this about him.

curlypearl 05-15-2012 06:24 PM

I agree with the other posters. It was a good and courageous move on your part to end it now before he got even more invested in you. Sorry this didn't work out. :sad1:

NetG 05-15-2012 07:41 PM

When he comes back with "I understand you just can't fit a relationship into your life right now..." feel free to tell him "It's not me, it's you."

I held back when I wanted to give someone that response once, and he went on to be a jerk to one of my friends, I later found out. Now I wish I had just said it instead of trying to be nice.

iroc 05-15-2012 09:16 PM


I hear some inconsistencies, and I wonder if maybe youre over thinking it?

I dont know. I mean, 3 weeks and youre taking dance classes together and signed up for cooking classes together. Thats a lot of involvement. Then you became intimate after you had concerns, and you said it was the best sex you ever had......

I think you should wait it out, and maybe if some things still bother you, you can talk about them. That early in a relationship youre still figuring out communication and what the other person likes, or does, etc.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I997 using CurlTalk App

The New Black 05-15-2012 09:27 PM


Read your siggy, the first one.

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