When do you start giving kids their independence?

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Last edited by kat180; 01-25-2014 at 04:24 PM.
As a not yet completely independent person who has lived in 2 worlds (well I call it that because for me it was...) I can agree that it really depends on family,religion,culture and personality of both parents and kids.
For example:
I'm pretty much allowed to do what I want since I'm 16,including going out, as long as my parents know where I am and with whom and I don't get in trouble. I like that trust and tell them the truth if they ask about what I'm doing and so on.

In the US i lived with a mormon philipino family,I was never allowed out after 10 (once was 5 minutes late and was grounded for a week...), couldb't be alone in a house with my boyfriend (or in my room...obviously) and had to report whenever I went somewhere else so from the mall to my friend's house and stuff. Their daughter was kind under the mother's thumb but didn't mind...
Anyway there I lied about my whereabouts for the first time and didn't felsorry,something which I'd never do at home though I'd get through wih it.

Thuw I believe that trust enhances responsibility and respect on both sides...plus my parents like it better if I tell them I had a few beers at a conert instead of having to pick me up wasted from a home party where i lost my bra after the second round of pot...ah you get what i mean

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Great post! I know that here, and in America it seems, it is considered a failure/lazy by a lot of people to move back in with your parents after 18. However, in a lot of cultures I believe it is normal for families to live together and it wasn't so long ago here either that it was perfectly normal for several generations of families to live under one roof.

I don't have concerns she'll never be independent, like I said she is a lovely, if shy girl. If that arrangement makes her and her parents comfortable than that's fine. I do think she might benefit from trying more things out on her own but I don't think it's right to force her to do that if she isn't, for whatever reason ready to do so. I have chatted to my friend about it before, not in a giving advice 'I know best' kind of way but just mentioning it between best friends. Interestingly, my friend agreed with me.

I agree that independence is measured in different ways for different people.
Originally Posted by kat180
Oops! lol I definitely assumed I was writing to an American audience
....How very American of me. lol sorry about that. For what it's worth, most of the international students from my school were from various African, Asian and sometimes Latin American countries, I have no real (second hand) experience of other "Western" countries. I didn't get the impression that you were being condescending to the girl or anyone else by the way. Your post seemed pretty innocent to me.

Anyway, I can totally appreciate the internship thing! I was offered amazing opportunities for this summer and for the coming academic year. Both programs further my career goals, will look great on my resume, will give me great references for law school AND are heavily involved in humanitarian work in my hometown. The only downside is that both only pay a little over minimum wage. And honestly, considering all the pluses and that fact that the internships ARE in my hometown...that's not much of a downside. I'm so glad that my parents have homes. I feel really fortunate not to have to send a large part of my minuscule check outside of the household.
I definitely think parents should encourage independence from a young age. My mother always taught me in small ways how to do things on my own. When i was very little she started out with small things like having me order my own food if we were at a restaurant or asking people in stores for help if i didn't know where something was. It seems like nothing but growing up i had so many friends who used their parents as a speakerphone. They could tell their parents what they wanted, but they couldn't just talk to an adult. Even going into high school i came across people who couldn't talk to adults.
And in terms of things like public transport, i think it's best to be taught that at a young age so you aren't so dependent on your parents. My boyfriend's. Brother is 16 going on 17 and has his dad make his lunch for him and drive him to school every morning, even though there's a bus stop 3 minutes walk from his house. They live in a nice area as well, so it isn't like he wouldn't be safe.

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