-   Non-hair discussion(
-   -   For the older moms and also young 20somethings(

spiderlashes5000 11-19-2012 12:25 PM

For the older moms and also young 20somethings
If a 21 y/o college student has a car and never keeps up w/ the maintenance (aligning wheels, rotating and replacing tires, oil changes, etc), despite frequent reminders, should the parents just plan to swing by and handle some of this for the child, if the child lives close by? For the sake of safety and convenience? Or is that enabling irresponsibility on the part oft he child?

RedCatWaves 11-19-2012 12:30 PM

I think most people delay maintenance on their cars because of MONEY, not because they're lazy. I think if the parents offered some money to pay for those items, they might find the new adult will become much more responsible about doing them.

CGNYC 11-19-2012 12:34 PM

That stuff isn't exactly inexpensive. I didn't have a car till I was a little older than that and in theory, I was supposed to pay for everything. Thank goodness for my grandparents who were nice enough to help me out because I would've just been driving on bald tires.

I am already telling my daughter I'd rather buy her a car as a gift outright when she graduates from college than watch her work to cover the expenses of living off campus and having a car. I don't think it's our job as parents to support two house holds when the option of living on campus and not driving exist. But that's another discussion for another day ;)

Josephine 11-19-2012 12:51 PM

I had a car in college for a year (I was 23) and all I did were oil changes and paid for my gas. It was still my parents car so they'd do the big stuff. They'd tell me to bring it home so they could get the tuneups etc. I didn't really work that year, just some stupid part times here and there so I didn't have money for all that. It was just a year though, then when I started working I paid for everything.

Personally I think the focus of a college student should be school so I wouldn't expect him/her to take care of a car like that. Also, if you live on campus having a car is really a treat. I got one the last year of college as a reward. If I had one earlier(like my brother did) I would expect to pay more for it but realistically kids usually don't.

RedCatWaves 11-19-2012 12:54 PM


Originally Posted by CGNYC (Post 2072871)
I am already telling my daughter I'd rather buy her a car as a gift outright when she graduates from college than watch her work to cover the expenses of living off campus and having a car. I don't think it's our job as parents to support two house holds when the option of living on campus and not driving exist. But that's another discussion for another day ;)

Well, if we're digressing... ;)

It's pretty expensive to live on campus too...hardly a cost savings. My son lived one year on campus, and off-campus the past 2 years. Off-campus is cheaper. He doesn't have a car. He takes the shuttle bus or rides his bike in good weather.

Nej 11-19-2012 01:08 PM

I own my car but it's older. I am VERY grateful that my parents are helping me up with maintenance. I am a grown adult but drive to school since it's way out in the booneys. I pay my own insurance, gas etc and have never asked for anything. When my brakes went I was prepared to leave it parked or take out a loan to get it fixed, and was overjoyed when my parents helped me out.

I don't think it's your responsibility but if you can afford to help out and don't think you are being taken advantage of them I'm sure it would be appreciated.

Po 11-19-2012 09:18 PM

At that age, I was a mom to a three year old, working full-time and going to school full-time. I took care of my own car. I understand most people don't have all that responsibility at that age, but I don't see how car maintenance is THAT big of a responsibility that they can't take care of the majority of the expenses themselves. If the parents help thats GREAT (I sure know that when my parents offer help, I TAKE IT!), but the parents shouldn't feel obligated.

frau 11-19-2012 09:23 PM

i enable my daughter.
i'd pay for the upkeep of the car.

SCG 11-19-2012 11:11 PM

Yeah, as some others have said, it's not that I don't WANT to take care of my car... I do. But I just don't always have the money. Luckily, my parents have been able to help me, and don't expect me to take care of everything myself. They buy tires for me when I need it, and pay for inspections, and other upkeep expenses that might arise. The good thing is I drive a car that rarely has any issues. I try to take care of oil changes (I'm overdue, but now that I have a steady income again, I'm going to take care of that ASAP) and other preventative measures. I'm probably going to need a new battery soon, which isn't exactly cheap, but I feel like that's my responsibility. So I'll scrape together the cash soon.

My parents know that I don't WANT to depend on them for this, but also know that it's not necessarily feasible for me to completely foot the bill myself, and thus are happy to help. They had two kids before me and followed the same protocol for them... They turned out just fine. ;)

SunshineGrrl 11-19-2012 11:34 PM

Theoretically I had to do all the maintenance on my cars. I did oil changes, changed the air filter and wiper blades regularly myself. For the more expensive stuff, I was really grateful my dad is handy. When brakes had to be replaced, I bought the shoes and we replaced them ourselves. Same with rotors (sp?) And the timing belt. If I was short on cash to a new battery or tires, my dad would pay for it, then I would pay him back. It was my car, I fully expect to maintain it.

And it helps that my dad just casually happens to mention when things need to be done. I would go to get my oil changed and get a laundry list of things wrong with my car. I'd call my dad and he'd chuckle and tell me they weren't as dire as the mechanic said and told me to let him worry about what needed to be fixed when. Generally in life, if my dad says to do something or even casually mentions something in a "you should think about doing this, it would be a good idea" way, 9 times out of 10, I do it. He's not one to blow things out of proportion and if he mentions something, it's something you really should listen to. So and my dad make sure my car is maintained, but I pay.

Sent from my ADR6350 using CurlTalk App

Speckla 11-19-2012 11:45 PM

We'll help our son out if he really needs it. But he has to be doing his best in school, working at least parttime, and making an effort to take care of the car and not just expect us to do it. We probably wouldn't kick in 100% but we will help him cover what he couldn't afford.

Jess the Mess 11-20-2012 12:04 AM

I'm 31 with 2 kids and an SO. I've been on my own since I was 19. My dad still helps with our bigger car stuff like tires, if it breaks down, etc. When the economy fell my SO took a 50% pay cut and still have the same mortgage and bills. My dad looks at it as doing what he can to help. He and my step-mom make much more than us and have way fewer expenses. We always pay him back and most of the time he pays before I can even object (our mechanic is a close family friend). He would rather us owe him a few hundred and still have the money to spend on our kids. I don't always like it. I'm very independent and it's hard for me to ask for help. I'm just extremely thankful that in those situations my dad can help.

I think it depends on the situation. Is the kid spending all their money partying and stuff? Or are they doing the best they can with what they have? Are they in school making good grades?

My family is very much "help in whatever way you can". When my mom was out of work and waiting to be approved for disability, and I was in a much better financial situation, I paid her mortgage and bills for two years. I'll never get that back from her but it was worth it to not see her lose everything.

Starmie 11-20-2012 12:30 AM

My oldest son has just turned 18 and we got him a car for his birthday, also paid insurance for a year and registration. I think that's enough, the upkeep is up to him. He's just finished school and has no idea what he's going to do, I suppose if he decides to continue some sort of study then we'll help out when necessary, but if he gets a job, even part-time, then he should be paying for things himself.
It's hard to know where and when to draw the line, no-one wants to see their kids struggle but they've got to take responsibility at some point.

mrspoppers 11-20-2012 01:02 AM

When I was in college, I paid for gas but my mom paid for upkeep. If she had waited for me to take care of it, it never would have happened. I just didn't have enough money. I guess it depends on how important it is to the parents. If they own the car and expect that they will be able to sell it one day, they should just expect that they'll need to pay for the maintenance or come up with a plan for the kid to be able to cover it himself--a certain amount of money a week or something.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:41 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011