View Poll Results: Are you in an emotionally abusive relationship?
Yes. 4 7.55%
No. 45 84.91%
I don't know. 0 0%
He only does a few of those things, not all of them. 4 7.55%
Voters: 53. You may not vote on this poll

Are you in an Emotionally Abusive relationship?

I was married to a verbally abusive man for 8 1/2 years. I as commited to making it work (I thought of divorce as personal failure) and tried to do anything I could to keep him happy - have since come to realize true happiness comes from within. I stayed until he looked me in the face and said he didn't love, he wanted a divorce, oh and he probably never loved me in the first place. I packed my things and moved out. It was such a RELIEF to be out. My health improved and I found things about myself that I needed to work on - being in that situation, I became the worst version of myself. I really had to think about who I was, who I wanted to be, how I could improve myself. (I'm not blaming myself for the abuse; I'm saying it made me vendictive and callous and I wanted to change that.) It took a year of counseling for me to realize that it was abusive. I just thought of it as "rocky" while I was in it. A year of counseling to be able to call it what it was? That alone is disturbing.
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Last edited by goldencurly; 08-30-2011 at 09:29 AM.

(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately. Yes!

(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble."

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry.

(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex. He would hold me when we were "wrestling" not sex though.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.
Originally Posted by roseannadana

Wow... The past horror I was lucky enough to escape from after I walked on him cheating this past Christmas did all of these things. It's really scares me now to think what could have been if I was still with him. He was artful enough to wrap up this stuff in a package that seemed so nice and lovable that you could overlook or not see these things for what it was.

#14 - it was a fight that got out of hand. She hit him too so she "made" him do it.
# 10- Oh, he was playing and it went a bit too far.
#9 - same thing
#6 - i pointed that out to him as a personality quirk he should fix.
#5 - when we visited my folks they couldn't get a word alone with me if they tried. I wished they had told me that before!
#2 - he just soooo in love with me! I must be some hot stuff!

Now though I feel silly....
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I was once. He used to say "I haven't made you cry lately" very threateningly and then proceed to say cruel things to see if he could get me to cry. And usually he did--it wasn't hard because I *loved* him so much and he could be so wonderful if only I could be and do what he needed I must have been out of my mind.
I'm not now, but my last SO was borderline emotionally abusive. I stayed in that relationship way longer than I should have (almost three years) simply because although he was controlling, manipulative, and super competitive, he just seemed really sweet at first. I had to live up to his every ideal, I couldn't do anything without his permission, nothing was ever his fault, and even if all his expertise on a subject matter came from reading something off of an EL Fudge package I had to tell him how brilliant and correct he was. He was also had the ol' silent treatment down to an art. When I could finally cajole him into speaking to me again (honestly, why did I bother?), he would be rude, nasty, and insulting. For some reason, I believed every word he said, since after all, he loved me too much to lie to me, right?

I'm so glad I finally got the guts to end that debacle of a relationship. My current SO is wonderful--smart, communicative, and can even admit to being wrong. It's only been about six months so far, but I haven't seen a red flag yet.
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