my story...long

thanks everyone. i never shared about the pregnancy because in my heart i knew things weren't right with the guy and i just wasn't sure what i was going to do or what was going to happen and i was just trying to make it day by day. i didn't think i would lose the baby but one of my dear girlfirends said that perhaps God saw all the pain and drama and He took care of the situation for me. i really just never could share the news of my pregnancy here or with many people in my real life because i had so many mixed feelings. thankfully i didn't buy any baby stuff except for a few books which i hope to be able to use later when the time is right. as others have said, the pain is magnified because of the loss of the relationship (again) at the same time. i'm grateful for my parents but when you lose a child you want the other parent to be there to hold your hand. even though i wasn't trying for this child the doctors reassured me that in 6-8 weeks i could try again and i just kept thinking "no i can't, i don't have a man to try with". i was so hurt. i am taking it day by day. i go back to work tuesday. physically i feel fine and i'm thankful for that. it would have been even more hurtful had i been further along and really showing. nobody at work even knew and only a couple of members at the gym knew but it's like my life has just turned upside down. two weeks ago today me and the guy went to church then brunch and had a wonderful sunday. we were together and happy and talking about plans and even went to the baby store for me to buy gifts for my friend who just had a baby and we talked about things we wanted to buy and now i'm here and we're not even talking and there is no's just doesn't feel real. i have a counselor that i've seen off and on for the last couple of years. i went to him when all this was going on, including a couple of times with the guy. i plan to see him next week.

my pm's are almost full so for those of you that have thoughts or suggestions about healing if you don't mind posting them here or sending me an e-mail, i'd really appreciate that.

thank you again, i really mean it when i say you girls are my friends. your words of encouragement mean so much.
a dreamy pisces
please recycle, it matters...
i change lives...through fitness
i'm more relaxed being natural
i'm so sorry to hear about this. just want to say - i have a friend who lost a baby earlier this year with a man she really loves. now their relationship just isn't working for many reasons - she tries to hang on to him because the double loss is so devastating. she is trying to let go but it's a long road. i have hope for them though, cause i think if they get through this they can get through anything. whatever happens, wish you the happiness you deserve.
I am so sorry for your loss--I will keep you in my thoughts.
My heart goes out to you and your baby. I will be thinking of you both.
Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. I sat at a table where were rich food and wine in abundance, and obsequious attendance, but sincerity and truth were not;
and I went away hungry from the inhospitable board.
-Henry David Thoreau
My heart goes to you. I am so very sorry.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.

3a/b, CG mostly.
Mexico City.
i live by myself. one thing that is helping me is everytime i get sad i hug one or both of my boys (my dogs). they have been extra sweet and loving towards me, like they know. thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. i know it is helping me....
a dreamy pisces
please recycle, it matters...
i change lives...through fitness
i'm more relaxed being natural
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,035
Yeah, pets are the best, aren't they?
Talk about some unconditional love.
My min sch is always at my feet... (((hugs)))
i live by myself. one thing that is helping me is everytime i get sad i hug one or both of my boys (my dogs). they have been extra sweet and loving towards me, like they know. thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. i know it is helping me....
Originally Posted by luvmylocs
They definitely know. We're here for you too.
Honey, my advice is to just take things one day at a time. I know it's hard not to go there mentally, but try not to worry about conceiving again or meeting another guy or what will happen with your ex. Your heart, mind and body have been through so much, and you just need to heal. In time, all those questions will be answered. Take care of yourself.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali

I am so sorry for your loss.

Have faith that you will find what you are looking for---love and happiness and healthy children. You will be in my thoughts.
4a with 3c patches/LOIS daughter O/S spongy fine, natural since 1999

Perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.
- Vince Lombardi
I'm glad you have your "boys" with you. Animals are so wonderful at knowing how you're feeling. Again, please take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve and heal.
Loose botticelli curls and waves
No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I wish there was something I could say to take your pain away. Many hugs to you.
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy
I'm so sorry.
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
i feel like i'm in this weird place where i don't even know what to do with myself. i've been praying, reading, reflecting, i wrote in my journal, talked to my friends, downloaded some uplifting music to my ipod, listened to some sermons, i've cried, i've hugged my dogs so much....i've been trying to distract myself. maybe i need to meditate and just be quiet.

i just feel like there's something else i should be doing. i feel like i shouldn't keep talking about everything that has happened, it hurts to keep thinking about it. maybe going back to work will help. i keep thinking about the baby and all the hope i had for him, how excited i was to just hold him. then i think about just living my life well and starting over from scratch. maybe i shouldn't be by myself, but i live alone and i don't want to just be around people. i need to shower, comb my hair, maybe put on some makeup...
a dreamy pisces
please recycle, it matters...
i change lives...through fitness
i'm more relaxed being natural

Last edited by luvmylocs; 08-17-2008 at 10:55 PM.
Maybe this has been rec'd before: have you looked up support groups for people who've gone thru this?

It helps to know you're not alone in what you're feeling.
I second the recommendation for a support group. Also, maybe just the act of doing something for someone, whatever that maybe, will help.

I remember when I was going through a period of intense hurting that the teqaching I was doing - helping kids- really helped to take my mind off my situation.
4a/b Texlaxed hair w/ highlights. Medium texture & high porosity.

HG's: CJ Daily Fix, Bobeam Cheris Hibiscus shampoo bar, KC Spiral Spritz, Knot Today, CJ Rehab, KBB LL Hair Mask, Cassia, KCCC, oil blend of Avocado, Camellia, Jojoba, & Meadowfoam oils

It sounds like going back to work will help.

Sometimes I think our unconscious mind needs to mull these things over as part of the healing process. Being a little distracted by work seems to help that happen.

If you still feel out of sorts in a week, I would seek out a support group, and/or therapy [if you're not already working with someone].
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,529
LML, I'm glad you posted and let us know how you're doing. I would try to get some extra sleep, too, if you can. Somehow, the rest always helps.

You are in my thoughts. I'm really glad you have your dogs to comfort you. Mine are my lifelines.

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