Daughter in tears last night- hates her curly hair

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My 6 year old daughter has 3b curls and everyone but her thinks they are beautiful. She was very upset last night because she "hates curly hair" and wants "normal straight hair". I have straightened her hair a few times, every time she loves it - unfortunately straightening is not an option for us everyday. Her curls are AMAZING, but she just doesn't see it. Hearing her say "I just want to have straight hair so I can be pretty..." broke my heart. My husband suggested showing her pictures of celebrities with curly hair and reading more stories with curly-haired characters... Does anyone have any other suggestions to help her see how beautiful her curls are?
Don't worry too much. As a child I hated my hair too!! But once she's older she will learn to love it. After you let her start straightening it she'll realize that straight hair isn't all that, straightening is damaging and natural is best! Just keep indoctrinating her with how beautiful her curls are and how awful relaxers and heat damage are. She'll grow to adore them and eventually realize that normal is boring!

Are you active on Facebook? There are loads of curly hair pages/ groups with images you might view with your daughter, you might even post photos of her hair, they always get 'likes' and positive comments. I am thinking of pages like Naturallycurly, Curly Girl The Handbook, Scott Musgrave (curly stylist), Beautiful Girls with Curly Hair, Curly Hair is Cool (young boy).

There are many curly channels on YouTube, including at least one child vlogger. If you have a budget you might consider haircare products marketed specifically to curly children or even a curly specialist haircut and styling.

Where is your daughter getting the idea that curly hair is not pretty and straight is? Is that coming from classmates? If so could the school get involved in helping the kids love themselves and be kind to one another? Do you or your husband (whichever she inherited her hair from) wear your hair curly and show that you love it? Do you have wavy/ curly friends or relatives that your daughter looks up to that can be enlisted?

BTW curly hair IS normal - two thirds of the world's population is wavy or curly, over half (55%) of Europeans.

Morgan_Adcock likes this.
2a-2c, medium texture, porous/ colour treated. Three years CG. Past bra strap length heading for waist.

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How long is her hair? Does she like having it styled? When I was little I loved having my curls styled from time to time, you can really take advantage of how pretty and unique they are this way. If her hair is shorter, perhaps she would enjoy having it accented with some pretty clips? This isn't to say her curls aren't beautiful all on their own, playing with hair as opposed to putting up with it might change her perspective a bit though.
3a, dense, fairly coarse, normal porosity and elasticity, just below shoulder
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She is very lucky to have a parent who questions some ridiculous idea that "straight is best".

I think you're already doing the right thing by keeping an eye open for pop icons and books featuring people with curly hair. In the end, who knows? She may or may not decide to straighten her hair, but at least you will have exposed her to something other than what society and many of her peers preach.

IMO you can continue to educate her and expose her to your compliments without insisting she embrace her curls. If the issue becomes a tug of war, it may just inspire her to side with the straight-haired folks even more, because she feels controlled. ... It's great that she has you on her side

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As a kid I used to stare at the straight haired girls and just dream about having that silky hair or cute little bob. I wore my hair braided every day and wound up with a halo of frizfrizzy curls. My hair was combed and braided at bed time and brushed and braided in the morning. When I was in middle school I chopped it off to shoulder length and wore a lot of fluffy ponytails till a black girl told me to buy some gel. God bless that girl. (I am white of course and all the white girls ever did was make fun of my frizz) She told me how to use it and I discovered my reduced frizz, albeit crunchy, curls. She taught me to scrunch out the crunch as well. I still wore a lot of buns plastered with gel and hairspray but things got better anyway.

My daughter is 6 and her hair is straight and she stares at my curls and tells me how pretty they are and how she wants curly hair like me. And I tell her how beautiful her she is even if she was bald but point out all the benefits of her hair as well.
asagi likes this.
You should youtube shamelessmaya and watch I don't care about my frizzy hair lol. Show her us! There are also so many pictures of girls om tumblr rocking natural hair. I swear she will chamge her mind. And sometimes we all learn from our mistakes... like straighteners haha

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CG since 2007
You should tell her about how none of the Disney princesses have stick straight hair either. You could also show her curly kids. Make her enjoy doing her hair etc., maybe make her a pj I don't know haha. I know a lot of people have success with the tangle teezer etc. Get her involved somehow, whether it be buying a fruity scented conditioner or making detangler by herself etc.
You are an awesome mom if you realize this already haha

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*Current Routine*
CO/CW: CJ Daily Fix, GR Restorative, SM RSB, SM SFC
DC: SM, CJ Rehab, G.Nutrafix, DIY
Sealers: an oil, JC N&S
Stylers: just CO, CJ CIAB, KCCC, aloe gel, FSG
Once in a while: ACV, Lemon-Aid

Oils to seal, rinse, and/or pre-poo as needed

2c/3a/3b coarse, normal porosity
CG since 2007
Well Taylor Swift for one. Merida from Brave.
okyouwin likes this.
As a kid who hated my curls (but to be fair, they literally popped up overnight. I had straight hair until I was 7 and woke up curly), my only suggestions are to make it as fun for her as possible, and if your hair is curly, keep it looking nice so she'll want hers to look like it as she gets older. My mom's were a fluffy frizzy mess, and I was afraid of letting mine look that way, so I only wore I curly if it had been heat styled. Also, I agree about the Disney movies. Watch Brave with her!

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Mostly 2C (?), fine and thin, high porosity. Dry climate + hard water.

Started CG 9/6/13 (gave up)

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Tonight my daughter had her hair upside down scrunching it! I asked her what she was doing and she said she was making it curly like mine... lol. Interestingly her underlayer is starting to feel more coarse and has some definite wave to it. I realized her hair isn't so much fine as it is thin if that makes sense, and the underlayer actually feels like it's getting thicker as well.
Well Taylor Swift for one. Merida from Brave.
Originally Posted by chupie
Unfortunately Taylor is going straight these days, with thick bangs. My daughters don't like it!

My daughter is 12 and we had this conversation this morning. She has 3b hair which I am so jealous of (I have to work at getting to 2b/c), but she is not happy with it. She has been confining it to low ponytails and side braids lately. This morning she was tired of the braids so I got her to leave it down and I put some leave-in in it. She says when it frizzes her friends ask "What's wrong with your hair?"

I told her she needs to say nothing's wrong with it, but the problem is she doesn't believe it. She has been allowed to straighten it at a friend's house 3 times now, and of course all the kids at school or at the dance fuss over it and tell her they like it straight. I tell her it's just because it's different. If she had straight hair every day and curled it for the dance, they would like that too (I note that for school concerts, plays, and dances, many of her peers curl their hair...) Ugh, even her grandma said she liked it that way (my mom on the other hand knows better than to say that). Personally I can hardly stand to see her hair straight. It's just not right!

She has put a straightener on her Christmas list. She knows how I feel about the heat damage and says it would be just for special occasions. But I am still thinking of emailing family not to get her one, because as she becomes a teen I have a feeling those special occasions will be more and more often.

I switched her to sulfate free a year ago. She has been co-washing the last couple weeks with Tresemme Naturals because I told her it seemed to make my hair flatter. She hasn't been leaving it down long enough to see if it's helping (though I have noticed it being less poofy). Hopefully over time she will be able to see a difference.

I am going to continue to encourage her, but she already knows my preference for curls. My 15 year old daughter is 3A and loves her hair. She is my easy child Granted, her hair is easier to manage so that helps her like it.

On the other hand I think back to my childhood (in the 80's!) and how my mom allowed me to get perms instead of "being natural". Flat and thin was not in!

Sorry no help for the OP...I just came here to vent today and saw this thread!
I agree with the people above, watch curly YouTubers with her! The more similar their hair is to hers, the better Perhaps watch some curly tutorials with her and then do the same with her hair? Teach her how to style it on her own, or at least help you style it. (And as bringingcurliesback said, watching I don't care (Frizzy Hair) by Shameless Maya is a must, so many fabulous curlies!)
CG newbie! Started Oct 5th 2013
3A-ish - medium width (?) - high porosity - high density - chin length when curly
I'm just starting this journey as a straight-haired mother to a curly-haired daughter. I found myself in a similar position to you a fortnight ago: 7 yr old daughter in tears at bedtime after a hair battle. So I went away and did some Internet research and found out lots of things that you probably already know about how to treat curly hair: never brush it, only finger comb it when wet etc etc

That night I sat down and made her a little newspaper with all the hair facts just for her. Including the fact that we need to keep trying until we find what works, as my daughter wants everything to be right the first time. I found photos of any curly-haired teachers on her school website and put them in. I found baby photos of her with curls before we starting fighting. I used photos of Disney's Merida.

She liked her newsletter and at least it stopped us fighting. Now we call it the Great Hair Experiment. We're about to try the Curly Girl method once I've bought the sulfate free stuff.

Good luck.
wavydaze likes this.
That's really cute. I'm sure she will remember gestures like the newsletter fondly.
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I'm sorry your daughter doesn't like her curls. I have a 6yr old son and he got his hair
cut too short once and his curls were gone. He kept telling me that he missed his curls.
He has 3b curls and I think the girls at school like his hair but I'm glad that he likes himself. I also have a daughter but she is too young to know what kind of curls she will have but I hope that she likes her hair. I think sometimes we have to grow to appreciate who we are. My sister who is 16 put a relaxer in her hair and messed up her curls against my advice. She ended up cutting all the relaxer off this year because she missed her curls. I would try playdates on the weekends with other young curly girls and trying hairstyles that you know your daughter may like along with
pretty ribbons etc. If she is a girly girl. I hope that she grows to appreciate her uniqueness. I bet she is cute with those 3b curls. Goodluck!!! Oh and we totally loved Brave. She was a pretty tough princess.

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