I've Never Been So Humiliated

I stayed at my best friend's house this weekend. I washed and roller set my hair for the first time (I need to work out some kinks,no pun intended) and wasn't feeling too good about it. I'm coming to a stage in my transition where it's becoming harder for me to manage my hair like I'm used to.

Anyway, my friend's mom came to the bathroom and had a weird look on her face as I was doing my hair. I paid it no mind. The next morning, she told me my hair looked nice (so did my friend).

Later that day, I blow dried the roots and pin curled my hair as I still didn't feel comfortable with how it turned out. After dinner my friend told me how much new growth I had and it looked good.

Her mom then proceeds to ask what am I going to do w/ my hair when the perm is gone. She asks me if I'm going to wear a Afro and I say no (when I hear Afro I automatically think Jackson 5 type hair). Then she says "Well excuse me..." and then proceeds to tell me that I have Ookum hair (which is her way of saying I have nappy, African hair).

I tell her I don't know what my "real" hair looks or feels like, and that this new growth can't really be used to measure the texture of my hair. My friend interjects my saying that I can wear my hair like her cousin, in a short curly cut. Her mom turns up her face and says "Oh, no she can't! Your cousin has good hair like me."

Then she proceeds to counter everything my friend is saying (that there's products to that will give me a curl, and how I have very soft hair) insisting that no product will help my hair. She then comes over and points to my edges saying that's my real hair.

Although there were only 3 people in the room, I honestly can't remember the last time I was humilated like that. To stand there among two women who clearly have a different hair type than I do, and be told that it's "good".....well where does that leave me? My mother never let us do the "good hair, bad hair" talk. So, it was very shocking to me to have someone say that to me (nevermind the fact that I still can't figure out why another person is so consumed w./ my hair).

I was so hurt...I was going to cry. At which my friend told me to get a backbone. She said I did a good job "standing up" for myself, but why do I have to defend my hair or anything else that makes up Chavon? I don't feel like I'm being irrational or sensitive. This process is difficult enough, and I don't need anyone else making me feel more unpretty or self-conscious like I do somedays.

I find it sad that this happened, b/c just the day before I had a talk w/ my guy "friend". And jokingly I asked if he would still like me if I cut my hair (he prefers long hair). He told me, my hair wouldn't change my face or how I look to him. Yeah, my hair cut may look crazy (lol) but it won't change the fact that he's attracted to me.

It's ashamed that my friend's mother doesn't think that way.
A lot of times, when people point out all that's "not right" or different with you, it's because they're insecure themselves. Don't let it bother you. Just continue to take care of your hair and if you're confident when you walk out of the door everyone will sense it. YOU MUST EXUDE CONFIDENCE! I know a girl with a fade and she rocks it, hard! She's so confident that you can't tell her she's not cute. You gotta take that attitude. If people sense that you're a little self-conscience about your hair, then they know they can call you on it.

I'm luvin' my natural self FIRST!

"And if you don't want to be down with me, you don't want to pick from my appletree."-Erykah Badu

I agree with A la nap tural, plus, it sounds like your friend was good for standing up for you, but I don't think your friend should have been rude about you being upset. That's no supportive. And I am completely shocked that a grown woman would behave that way, that is dispicable. But wear your hair the way you want to!
3b/c, CG 9/18/08
Last process: 04/05/08 Big Chop: 08/08/09
Currently: Herbal Essences Hello Hydration, Herbal Essences Set Me Up gel (summer only), Boots Curl Creme (winter only)
When I read this, I got angry ! Who does she think she is trying to put down your hair?! I have issues with rude ppl, so forgive me if I rant...

The decision to transition to your natural texture is a good one, a brave one. Not everyone is going to be supportive--usually because they don't understand that beauty is not determined by light skin, light eyes and/or straight hair! You go ahead and do you, whatever that may be. The one thing that I'm finding during my transition is that I'm finding out who I am...I'm finding out what I really think and what I really like and other opinions be damned. I'm no longer doing things based on what others think I should do or want me to do. Be confident in your decision.
"...and she lived nappily ever after..."

Hair Type: 4b/c
Currently Using: Nothing that works!
Want to Try: KCCC, anything Miss Jessie's

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