I applied castor oil mixed with vodka on my scalp and left overnight, next day my life changed :(

it made my hair so rough, i lost my curls, colout of my hair has lightened, i never used vodka since then its almost a year now i have been deep conditioning but to no vain. Even my dermatologist said hair is chemically damaged. I made a big step last month and shaved my head, but now after month long growth i still feel my hair is rough , straw like and its not curling rather straight hair popping out. I just feel like dying each day , what did i do to myself. Please help am devasted, no medications , no natural mask , product is helping right now :( I never had bald spots or alopecia then why my hair is becoming thin? moreover its NOT absorbing water , means water droplets just float outside the shaft , until i rub them into, i think my hair porosity changed due to that maybe? please advice , what really is happening inside my scalp

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