Should I just do my big chop?
I'm currently relaxed right now but I've been wanting to be natural for 2 years, but no matter who I spoke with in my family or family close friends (women), they have all pretty much laughed in my face and told me that I didn't want to be natural. ( Everyone has relaxed hair or wears weaves and those who are natural, well it wasn't necessarily by choice.) My mom is my number one HATER in all this. I've been hounding her for the longest to be natural and she always told me no or she just ignored me. Finally my mom told me that once I'm 18, well that I could do what I want. I recently turned 18 and I've been buying hair products, creating a hair regimen and starting my hair journey. The problem is that despite all this, my mom still isn't supportive (telling how she doesn't understand why I'm doing this and that I'm going to be ugly). I've been approaching her lately with my big chop decision because I wanted her to be included in this journey of my life. I'm so happy to finally be natural and I want to feel and experience every stage of this. Even now, I disregard my relaxed ends like it's nobody business and play in my coily roots. But my mom is refusing to let me big chop and she's not even trying to hear me out. My mother is natural and she's been so for a few years now, but she did it for a religious reason. Meaning that if she had the choice, she would have never been natural. She thinks it's a hassle and that "normal hair" (relaxed hair) is easier and better. So, she is forcing me to transition til my natural hair is long enough to her. I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT!! I just want to be done with the relaxer completely and work from scratch towards my goal. I need some help and an outsider's point of view. Should I go with my heart or should I make peace and fold?
Wow, i thought my mother was bad when i went natural, but in the end she is in love with my hair now. Its a shame that's so many people truly hates their hair types since its as natural as your skin color. Unfortunately, you may have too not include your family in this bc of the hate.My mom thought i wasted money( since we stock piled of relaxer hair products) and my hair will not turn out as good( my hair was breaking bad and thinning bc of relaxers). From your comment, i hope if you do defy your mom that you wont get kicked out (depending on your living and financial situation) is what i most worried about bc it seems kinda scary from what you are saying, idk. Try to compromise and transition for only a little bit and try to surround yourself with positive messages about natural hair and hopefully to drown out the hate you are receiving. Social media is a great tool to do that like pinterest and Instagram. i hope this helps
go with your heart ,its your head ,be free like India arie , be natural chop she doesn't have to wear your head your 18 & legal not grown but legal ,& you seem to have enough pride and confidence for you and your mom baby girl show the natural in you show yourself to the work love yourself and hair they laugh heeehee hahahaha but at the end you feel beautiful yourself obviously they don't feel beautiful to them self you go girl your CURL SISTAS are behind you all the way.My mom always saying to me "what you gone do to your hair?" Or I hope/wish you gone do something to your head" I simply say ..."it is done" & smile I love my hair and I'm beautiful you should feel the say way any negative comments smile and say something positive,, she hates it you LOVE it ,,your mom says you look bad say "I make look that but I feel beautiful" and smile ,do you be happy no one can live your like like you I support you -Tamara
I think both of the previous commenters posed good comments. Definitely surround yourself with positivity and and keep embracing your hair, but I also understand if you're worried what might happen if you cut your hair - some parents really do think it's "their way or the highway" even when some things (like how you wear your hair) have close to nothing to do with them. If you are worried about your living situation or your financial support, it's probably best to keep transitioning at least a little while longer...... If I was you, I might secretly keep cutting it a little shorter until I was natural and maybe just blame "breakage" and the relaxed ends being weak (if you do, make sure to use hair cutting scissors). If you aren't worried about either of those (or any other) things, well.......Once it's cut, there's not much that your mother can say then.
Im truly sorry to hear that your mother is not supportive to what you find beautiful. I say the same as the last and to follow your heart. You do what you think is right for your own head!
thanks so much for answering me. It truly helped me figure things out and I'm glad that I finally feel some support and positivity.