Why do curly girls of different hair types treat each other badly?

It all started when sister made fun of my texture. My texture is 4a but I didn't take care of it well. It was dry so it looked 4c.I didn't have internet or supportive people around me. I thought it was cute was going to wear my afro with pride. My sister tried to help with my hair and just laughed while doing it. I ran off crying put my wig on after running to get it from her. A year later this was back in 2011.I  I found a hairstylist with 3c hair. I thought oh she does hair and it's curly and sometimes straight. She must do all kinds of hair she can help me.I was 19 at the time. I took off my wig and she gave me this look .She said you should just perm it.I hadn't taken care of my hair the best because I didn't know how. I just agreed with her. The reason I had gone natural was because I didn't have a lot of money and it would be cheaper than going to the salon. I just needed someone to help me with it. I felt like my texture wasn't good enough to her to try to help me.Two years later I moved to a drier climate because I had always lived in a humid place. The climate was hard on my hair the perm would sweat so quickly. It always spent like burnt hair in the apartment and perm. I just wore it in two big puffs in the summer. My boyfriend finally convinced me one summer. He told me I look so beautiful natural. Then finally I started transitioning the summer after when I went to Wal-Mart and saw this girl same age as me type 4a hair healthy down to her back. Then I big chopped to a twa, but this has always haunted me. I guess my real question is why do type 4a,b,c hair get treated so different? I feel like some people think it's so thick and unmanageable that they would rather stay permed. Or that it's not as desirable or easier to manage as some textures it’s not right.

4 Answers

According to this site, I'm also a 4a and kinda new to being natural. I big chopped about a year ago actually but I don't really know how to style my hair so all I do is wear ponytails with kinky weave around it. I get what you're saying though. Seems really hard to even find videos or tutorials on YouTube for type 4 hair. And I've seen a ton of people in YouTube comments who seem to talk down about type 4 hair. I say, don't let it bother you because people will be people and don't always care about what they say. Enjoy your natural hair. I think 4a is BEAUTIFUL! No matter what others say, you look beautiful and I love your hair.
Everything that you described are the residual effects of European colonization and the African Diaspora with a sprinkle of hateration and holleration. Colorism (which is cross-cultural, not just the United States) and any phenotype associated with the Eurocentric standard of beauty are usually consciously and subconsciously celebrated more as superior to black and brown features. As far as tutorials on YouTube for Type 4 hair, there are plenty. We just need to support them.Top 30 4b and 4c Vloggers to FollowBest Hairstyles and Products for Coily Type 4 HairTop 10 Wash and Go Tutorials for Type 4 Hair
I think that's not just hairtype discrimination, but more of an ethnic discrimination towards african descendant people and everything that's not 'white'; I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, since it proves again the fact that we still have a long path to walk in terms of ethnical discrimination here in America. One of the things I love most about this blog is the fact that it joins together 'black' and 'white' girls both with their unique hair pattern, and encourages all to enhance and be pride of their natural hair, no matter whether it is wavy or kinky, without giving place to discrimination of any type. That makes me feel that at least we are one little step closer. Be pride of your genetics, girl, you are beautiful!
Something I've noticed in regards to more than just hair: Humans in general have this nasty tendency that if you decide to do something different than them, or even are just born different, they take it as some kind of personal offense against them.  Listen close to the way they speak (or type):  it really sounds like they're trying to defend their own decisions, doesn't it?  Even when you never actually called their decision/what they were born with into question in the first place.  Even if that topic never ever came up, a lot of people will just assume that you are judging their choice/whatever, and get defensive and snotty as a result.  A lot of, for lack of a better term, bitchiness is really just a messed up defense mechanism.  They've assumed that you are mocking them or judging them somehow, regardless of whether or not it is true, and they immediately launch themselves into this verbal fight-or-flight mode where "fight" becomes "make the other girl feel like absolute shit before she does the same to me."  Worst part is?  Because it's tied in with that instinct, most people don't even realize that they're doing that!  And calling them out on it sometimes makes them more defensive, rather than calming them down through reassurance.First time I actually recognized this was in regards to an article in Time magazine titled "Why Millenials Don't See Cars As Cool Anymore."  The title of the article was a bit misleading; it's actually discussing the change in how the Millenial generation is increasingly seeing cars as just a tool to get from Point A to Point B, as well as the changing perception on what physical markers make someone a "mature adult."  They're growing up in a shitty economy, and now see being a "responsible adult" as meaning "don't bother spending tons of money on a car if you don't actually need one."  In contrast to, say, the Baby Boomer generation, which saw cars as the ultimate status symbol and a necessary part of being a responsible adult.  No car/driver's licence = you clearly aren't a "real" adult.The comments were absolutely filled with older adults practically frothing at the mouth about younger adults who chose not to buy a car.  It didn't matter how we tried to explain ourselves; all but a small handful of them still took the mere existence of the decision to not buy a car (if you don't have to) as a judgement against people who did get a car.  People could reassure them that no one was judging them or saying "no one should have cars" until they were blue in the face, and at least some of those people would still keep seeing insults and judgments where none existed.So, moral of the story:  Sometimes people (curly girls, in this case) treat others badly because they feel threatened.  No, it isn't rational, it's rooted in millions of years of instinct with centuries of messed up and ever-changing cultural standards piled on top of it.  Sometimes you can gently call them out by just looking them in the eye and asking "Why?  Why are you upset about this?  It isn't your hair.  It doesn't affect you in any way at all.  So why does it bother you that it's different, or that I choose to take care of my  hair differently?"Some will get more defensive.  But just as many will find themselves struggling to come up with a response because this is the first time they've actually thought about it instead of just reacting.  And once you've got them confused and thinking about it, that's when you have the opportunity to talk with them and help them understand both that your differences are not a threat to them and how to understand why they had that knee-jerk reaction in the first place.P.S.  I've found a similar tactic also works in stopping offensive jokes or attempted bullying right there on the spot:  Look them straight in the eye and say "I don't get it."  And keep at it until they (hopefully) give up and walk away in well-deserved shame.  Same concept:  it forces them to actually think about what it is they are saying (or doing).