I need help with the hair haters in my home...
So, first of all I am a fifteen year old girl, and I'm asking this question on behalf of myself and my sister. Both of us have very thick sense tightly curly hair. I have type 3c/4a hair and my sis has a mixture of all the type four textures. Until I was 13 my mom did my mom did both myself and my sisters hair. I had never straightened or permed my hair until the age of about 9 when my mom insisted that my hair NEEDED to be straightened. My hair was about waist length at this time, and before it was ever blown out ( Dominican ) I wore it in cornrows for a month or two at a time until my scalp would itch and burn and be thick with buildup. At the age of ten my mother got so tired of our hair that she decided to perm it. After about two perms, our hair was so damaged that my hair stylist aunt big chopped both myself and my sisters hair. Now, three years later my hair is a little past my shoulders when curly. It's been really rough figuring out a hair regimen and I'm still working through the kinks but the disapproval of my parents has slowed us down. I can't remember the last time both of my parents didn't criticize me or my sis on our hair. Comments like your hair looks too wild or unkempt or it's time for your hair to be braided again are common. It's also very difficult to convince them to buy hair products. I don't have a job or a car yet so I have to depend on them. I really don't see what's so bad about buying two or three hair products every two weeks. I'm just asking that if anyone can relate or has any suggestions please help. Thank you.
So sorry you are going through this! When I big chopped my family insisted I keep my hair blown out because my hair was super short in its shrunken state. They kept telling me how much more feminine it would look etc. I would just stop talking to them and eventually they got the point. You can't control your parents or their actions, but you CAN control yourself! Be extra intentional about styling your hair and wearing that style. Be respectful of course and when your parents ask you about your hair calmly and confidently say how you feel without being disrespectful and leave it at that. Sometimes the best response for parents is not giving one. When they make a comment that you do not want to respond to or don't have a response for tell them so in a calm and respectful manner. Not feeding into the negativity will kill it. Being extremely positive will stifle the negativity eventually. Yes it is a tiring and long process but it is very possible. Not sure how you style your hair, but I've found that keeping it pulled up or back helps stifle negative comments. Even if its just a puff/ponytail or a braid of some sort. When you wear your hair free or out, be prepared for the comments they will make. Recite positive mantras to yourself; maintain your peaceful positive composure throughout the day; if you pray- pray even more on this day; if you meditate- meditate even longer on this day. Be prepared to stay positive about your hair, confident in your beauty, and peaceful with your life despite the negativity that will be thrown at you from loved ones. Eventually they will get the point and leave you alone about it.
My parents were kind of mean when I decided to do my big chop too, but Im older than you. For the hair products, you will have to rely on the DIY. There is tons of stuff you can do with things you already have on your pantry. Google them or let me know if you have any specific needs. Good luck.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I think it might be time to have a calm sit down with your parents and just tell them how their comments make you feel and offer them suggestions on how they can help you build confidence and love who you are. The good thing is that you have your sister there with you. I'm sure most parents mean well, but they are humans too. They are flawed too, and they don't know sometimes how to deal. So, ultimately, you have to build yourself up. You have to love who you are and never let someone tell what you should look like, how you should do your hair; if it's not sound advice and just plain ignorant ignore it. I've learned to embrace comments like your hair looks wild. Im like "oh thank you, I was going for that. Looks great right?" Don't hide your hair for other people's comfort. This is YOUR life. Think about it, we do not asks those things of people with naturally straight hair. If you like your hair and it's not harming anyone, then in the words of Shameless Maya, "do you, boo". Also get on YouTube and find your favs with your hair type and keep people who are positive around you. On products you can totally DIY or make a budget and check out our best cheap buys. I had a job at 15 making pennies so I know what it is like.You got this! You are confident. You are beautiful. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Hugs!
I have 3c hair with some 3b in it. I was 12 years old (i am 13 now), and after years of my hair being blowdried, fried, braided, bunned, I got a mini chop, and got all the damaged ends cut off. My hair was about chin length. My dad would always want my hair up, he hated my hair out, and my mom wanted my hair to be texturized (her hair it loosely curled) . I didn't want any of those and I felt like my hair was a burden and started hated it. I was very insecure, and I felt like I was disconnected from my family for a while. My family got used to it after a while, and now they love the way my hair is. Some tips for haters: Don't listen to the hate- ignore it and dont take it personally. I know that sounds super hard- it was for me, but the more I gave in, the more insecure I felt. Keep on telling yourself your curly hair is beautiful.