Mom thinks that I hate my hair, keeps trying to straighten it

when I was younger I was a very soft 2a/2b.  But I started realizing how to care for curly hair and I've changed my way of caring for it. (No silicones, sulfates, ect)Now it's 2c-3a.  I love my hair, but my mom keeps yelling at me saying that I'm damaging my hair and that I keep acting like I'm black and that I want kinky hair.  Yet I love my hair a TON.  She says that my hair is only getting currier because of how I'm "damaging it"She makes me do rollers and blow dry my hair straight every other week, and says that I only don't want to straighten it because I'm insecure about my hair.  In reality, I love my hair to bits, though the mixed texture can be annoying.  I'm only 14 and I can't move out yet, and im constantly dealing with her temper tantrums about my hair.  She flaunts her own straightened hair bragging about how it's so healthy because she does rollers every other day.  She never wears it wavy (it's a 2c).  And yet she has the audacity to say that it's not straightened and that's her "natural hair."  For being a Dominican hair stylist, she knows very little about hair.  Her one year in hair school seems to be her excuse to back up anything.  I'm honestly tired of it and I don't know what to do.(Picture of me below.  Mom is next to me, and yes I realize I look pissed.  Because I was)

2 Answers

Ha! OH she sounds so much like my (much) older sister! There's not much you can do to educate her, especially if she's done a bit of hair training. It won't really help in the argument, but by that logic changing your hair to curl is no different than changing your hair to straight! One thing I can say - and feel free to show her my pics yourself - being black has absolutely NOTHING to do with the curl to your hair. I'm about as pale as you can get, and as far as I know there's no black ancestry in my family (at least not in the last few generations!) and mine's 3b.Naturally curly hair will become curlier as it gets healthier because it's getting less damage so it's doing what it does best. Also, hormones will affect it. Puberty (I know, I know, dirty word!) will most likely be making it a wee bit curlier too. Mine went proper afro for a few years when I was about your age - just be aware it might relax a little as you get older!I know it's hard, but try not to straighten it. Heat will damage your hair. Heat ALWAYS damages hair. I think she's getting a wee bit confused between 'damage' or 'frizz' and 'shiny'. Although to be fair yours does look very healthy and shiny.  You're doing everything right with regards to shampoo and conditioner. You could get into the practice of diffusing it a little if you wanted to just help shape the curls and get them fixed in position. It tends to de-frizz a little too. BUT if you're happy as you are and you love your curls (which it sounds like you really do) then stand your ground and stay as you are.It's far too easy to be moulded into a particular vision of beauty and believe me when I say if you're standing up for yourself now, then you're well ahead of the crowd. Besides, you look lovely as you are :)Oh, and just to let you know, that sister of mine, it turned out she was temper tantruming with me because she was jealous of my curls. Just something to think about there :)
I'd have to agree completely with papilio. I also totally get where you're coming from (my mom is Dominican and my dad is Costa Rican), even though I have 4a and it's my dad, whose curls are tighter than mine that has the nerve to call my hair nappy. I also get the whole "thinking they know best about hair thing" - my mom tells me I have to use shampoo everytime (don't trust cowashing), wetting my hair to often is bad, and rollers are "healthy" for your hair. If she not making you go under the dryer like my mom would tell me to do, you're really only in trouble of manipulation damage. Manipulation damage is the most common, but usually the least significantly damaging as long as you're not yanking out hair and as far I know.Most likely you're never gonna convince her that curly hair doesn't equal damaged hair, especially because of her "training." Papilio was probably right in saying frizz and shine are being confused for health (though your shine is incredible). .... Also, while black ancestry isn't the only way to have curly hair, you should probably try asking your mom what's so wrong about being black....