How can I manage my frizz and define my curls after so much heat damage?

My hair history... I've been natural for two years after having perms since I was 4 years old. I didn't do the big chop I constantly trimmed the damage ends as I was transitioning. I really had no guidance besides watching YouTube videos and I couldn't quite master protective styling so I constantly flat ironed my hair even multiple times a week. I noticed the difference in my new growth versus the curls and the end of my hair and faced the reality that I had accumulated so much heat damage. In October '14 I didn't to pack up the flat iron and wear my hair natural in high buns or anything that would prevent me from flat ironing. I got box braids for a month and a half and took them out at the end of Dec '14. Since then I have flattened twice, once for a job interview (bc my hair is so un-tameable that my Bantu knots and flat twist outs don't result well) and another when I wanted to go in to get my ends trimmed (I had a lot of split ends). Other than that I have been wearing buns but I want to be able to wear other natural styles but my strands are uncontrollable. I cowash weekly with As I Am coconut cowash (which I just started using in January and seems to work great) and I wash more often if I have product build up or my hair seems dry. I use cocunut oil, ecostyler gel, and Shea Moisture products (poo,conditioner,curl smoothie, n gel souffle). My hair is frizzy wet and dry, and the strands don't form cohesive curls and are more stringy and separate. I do brush and detangle with a wide tooth comb. I'm not sure if I'm overusing product or too less product. I really need help.

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