I don't know how to manage my hair?

Hello. I have just started transitioning from relaxer (have been off of it for 4 months) and my hair is just frustrating me so much. I'm not sure of my hair type at all but I know I have Type Four hair. I think it's 4A 4B. At the crown of my head my hair is really really poofy and undefined. Well the curls are there but they're so unnoticeable and tiny. If you separated my hair there is defined curls underneath the crown but overall it's really poofy. When I wash and go I only use shampoo and conditioner cause that's what my family has and then I t-shirt dry and my hair gets really dry and poofy the next day. Another thing is when I wrap my hair at night the next day my crown is really matted and clumped together strangely. Braid outs and twists outs make my crown really matted too and twist outs don't work on my hair at all and I did a braid out yesterday and that didn't work either. The fact that my hair is so unmanageable to me makes me so sad. I'm a teenage girl and my hair has just always been a really self concious part of me. My mother can't even help me because she believes that I have straight hair and that curly hair is only defined by Type 3 hair. Please please help me. I'll send pictures if you want. 

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