Why is my hair still dead?

It has been about three years since I "went natural." I cut out any harmful products and I even have satin pillow cases, etc. I constantly get trims but my hair is still dead, all of my curls aren't all formed, and handfuls of hair fall off while in the shower. What am I doing wrong? I don't use silicones, sulfates or anything else that could be harmful, including heat. Please help, I am desperate and starting to really hate my hair.

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