Wanda Sykes
When you do your hair yourself, are you washing and wearing or doing sets, like twist or braid-outs? What’s your staple style?
While I’m in the shower, I wash it, and then apply a lot of conditioner and comb it through . Then I rinse that out, and apply a little leave-in conditioner, and finally, I apply my styler.
What products are you using?
Right now, I’m really into AG. They have a couple of good products—a leave-in conditioner called Fast Food and a curl definer called Re:coil. Fast Food is really good and puts the moisture back into my hair; it makes my hair feel great. I usually apply the Fast Food first and then the
For the best definition, I either just run it through (AG Mousse”> with my fingers or comb it through with a wide-toothed comb. Then, I let my hair air dry for a while. Once it’s mostly dry, I play with it and shape it with my fingers. But you know, it’s crazy. You can use the same products, go through the same routine, and still end up with a different look. So some days I go, ‘okay, this is looking a little crazy—it’s a hat day!’ Or, you know what? It’s a bandanna day! You have to be really patient and flexible. And it’s like you said, the whole self esteem thing with your hair. It’s huge because some days I look at it and go, huh… I’m not feeling too pretty right now. I’m not feeling too cute… maybe I should perm. But no, I’m not going back. The curly hair totally matches who I am. My journey to accepting my curls paralleled my whole process of coming out. Showing the world, hey, this is who I am, this is my hair. Just being open and honest and accepting me, being totally authentic. Going through the drama with my hair was like my therapy and it helped me get to a place where I felt more comfortable coming out.
So if you ever see me with straight hair, it’s not a relaxer, it’s definitely a press! Some days, I’m like, maybe I’ll get a press and switch it up. Plus, I want to see how long my hair is!
That’s the beauty of curly hair! You have lots of options… it’s very versatile.
Yeah, I’m not going back to relaxers. Straight one day, curly the next. Especially now with the kids and my wife. She’s white and the three of them just jump in the pool without a second thought… so now I jump my ass in the pool, too! No worries! It’s cool—I love the freedom. We recently went on a trip to Brazil. My wife was like, ‘let’s get in the water… let’s go on a hike… hey there’s a water fall, let’s walk underneath it’. I was game! When I was relaxed I couldn’t do those things. I have friends who are relaxed, I’m talking die hards, and they’ve actually canceled dinner on me a couple of times because it was drizzling outside. Seriously. But we’ve all been there.
It’s definitely a quality of life thing…
Yes! They go to the club and they can’t even dance hard… afraid to sweat their edges out.
What would you tell a woman who has yet to embrace her curly hair?
It’s a commitment and it’s hard. But it is so worth it. Also, I think the journey ahead will make you feel much stronger and it’ll give you more confidence. Don’t worry about what other people think. Stop doing things for other people—you’re doing this for you and it will definitely feel good. It’s a lot of strength in going natural! Go for it!
A CurlyNikki.com reader, Jasmine A, wants to know how you feel about the attention natural and curly hair has been getting in the media.
I love it. I loved Chris’ documentary “Good Hair” there was just so much truth in it. Black hair is a big business and we weren’t getting any of it, but things are changing. Although stylists won’t be obsolete, they’ll definitely have to change the way they do business. I still have a hair stylist who I support. The move away from relaxers won’t necessarily hurt shops, as long as they’re comfortable reaching for the flat iron or doing twists. This isn’t the 30s, the day of the conk is over. We don’t have to have straight hair anymore. Be yourself! I think it’s a good thing. Curly hair scares white people!
That is crazy, too! Sixty percent of the world’s population is curly, but you’d never know that. To what extent does your hair define or express your identity?
It definitely is an extension- the visual of who I am. I’m an individual. I don’t want to be like other people. I guess it is a statement of how comfortable I am with myself.
Jasmine also asks ‘Although one seems to be remarkably more trivial, are there any similarities between embracing one’s natural hair texture and embracing one’s sexual preference or identity?’
Oh totally. I really think embracing my curly hair was therapeutic and maybe subconsciously, it was my way of going through the whole coming out process. Being open and outward. My hair was saying, (in a sarcastic tone”> oh hey, look at me, I’m gay! This is my gay hair! Anybody notice my short hair cut? Wanna ask me anything people? Look whose not getting perms? What about that?! What does that say? Ooh, I’m not looking for a man, am I? With this hair?! So I think that was my way of going through the whole thing with my sexual identity. It speaks to who I am.
I saw you on Larry King recently talking about gay bullying and the recent string of related suicides. One of my readers, Naterra, asks, ‘What do you feel we can do, as a society or on an individual level, to help decrease the number of suicides in the gay community?’
I think it’s about being… just respectful of each other. As a society we should collectively agree to leave people alone and let them do their thing. You can agree with it or not, but as long as it doesn’t affect you, just drop it and move on.
It starts with enforcing what’s on the books, and getting things right with the laws. When you tell folks they can’t go in the military… you can’t serve your country because you’re gay, it’s like telling them they’re second class, or ‘less than’. That’s what they told African-Americans. At first, we weren’t allowed to serve in the military, then it was segregated, and now that’s changed. So hopefully over time, sooner rather than later, things will change and we will actually have full equality across the board.
Also in our community, we have so many guys out there dealing with their sexuality and for a black man to say he’s gay, is huge. Our society makes them feel like they’re no longer a man, we denigrate our men, gay men… they become women, they become sissies, it’s like they can’t be men. So they go on the down low, which is why instances of HIV among black women keeps rising. Because these men are leading double lives, running around with men and then coming back home to their wives or girlfriends, and that’s awful. We need to let there be some kind of communication, some openness and let people lead their lives and not feel like they need to be ashamed and hide because really all we’re doing is killing ourselves.
Someone in my life recently came out to me and a few other friends. His close family, the people that have known him his entire life, still don’t know, and won’t ask. He’s almost 50. It’s sad watching him with them because he can’t be himself. He does so much for his family and yet he still has to wear this mask for them. I can’t imagine having to keep a secret like that from the people that I’m closest to.
That’s sad, but not an uncommon story. I think I was 40 when I came out to my parents and honestly was like, there is no way they don’t know… no way that they would be surprised by this. But they were. When I finally told them, it was like total shock, as if they had no idea. I was living with a woman.. at the age of 40! Come on! It was pretty devastating for them. It took a long time, it’s still taking time and it definitely put a strain on the relationship. But I’m happier being myself. It’s sad hearing about the person in your life though. He’s 50 years old. He’s been living 50 years for them. He still hasn’t started living for himself yet. My heart goes out.
What’s next for Wanda? Any new projects? I love you in “The New Adventures of Old Christine,” by the way!
I’ll be doing some theater soon. I’m playing Miss Hannigan in the play “Annie” at the Media Theater in Pennsylvania. It should be fun! I also have a show coming up at the Palace Theater in Waterbury, CT, on Wednesday, Nov. 3.
Is there any message you’d like to send out to the CurlyNikki and NaturallyCurly communities?
I’m proud to be a part of the curly community. Stay strong and hopefully we can get other people to come out!
