Though not listed in any medical dictionary, and often “harumphed” by doctors, many women of all ages face a serious problem in their daily lives: product addiction.

In a 12-Step program, it is said that Step 1 is admitting you have a problem. Okay, I admit it. Now what? Am I ready to change? No way. Am I okay with getting rid of products? Absolutely not! Would I spend a good chunk of change on something I’m not even sure works? You betcha!

Hi, my name is Alyssa and I’m a product junkie. (“Hi, Alyssa!””>

I never thought it could happen to me, but it has and I’m here to take full responsibility. I am also here to help you figure out if you’re a product junkie, too. I’ve put together a list of 12 things below, and if any apply to you, it could mean that you are a product junkie, too!

Admittedly, this is my own version of a 12-step program—I don’t actually have a cure. Some may point fingers and protest that I don’t truly want help, and they are correct. I love my products! If you are a product junkie, I urge you to take full responsibility for your actions—and you may want to learn to love yourself and your cache of product.

Don’t look to me for any real help; I’m happy with all my goodies stashed under the sink, in the shower, in the fridge—wherever I can find a place for them. Plus, I’m busy hoarding more product!

You May be a Product Junkie If:

Congratulations to Our Winner!

Lana1026 – Who Says:

“I write out a budget for every paycheck that I get. I KNEW I was a product junkie when “HAIR STUFF” became a category of every paycheck budget. I knew things were serious when I would go on a spending freeze to help save more money, but then “Oh SNAP…CurlMart is having 20% off site-wide…WINNING!!!I have been needing to get a new brush, shampoo, conditioner, styling agent, moisturizer, deep conditioner, detangler, satin bonnet, and everything else they sell.” Sounds fair to us!

  1. You make sharing a bathroom impossible for any other person. You need your counter, drawer, cabinet space, wall space and even floor space!
  2. You have more product than food in your refrigerator or worse—you have 2 refrigerators to handle your space problem!
  3. Your day revolves around mail delivery and you are on a first-name basis with your mail carrier.
  4. You purchase products containing ingredients that you have tried before and didn’t work for your hair, but they might work this time, right?
  5. You have a product wish list longer than your grocery or To-Do list.
  6. If you share an email account with a significant other, you delete confirmations so they don’t know how much you’ve actually spent. Some of you may even have a separate email account just for purchasing products!
  7. You have products in your bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, closet, dresser drawers and anywhere else they can fit. The trunk of your car is even an acceptable location. I’ve even been known to use the attic.
  8. You shower as often as possible so you can try out new products and accessories. Fragrance rocks!
  9. You spend the majority of your day analyzing your hair (and skin and teeth, etc.”> and considering what you will do differently tomorrow.
  10. You aren’t sure what you will have for dinner tonight, but you know what product you will try in the morning.
  11. You purchase products without knowing exactly what they are or how they work—but they have a great logo!
  12. Your monthly budget consists of bills, food, clothing and hair products, but not in that order.

Of course, like any addiction, the junkie may experience feelings of guilt, defiance, denial and the occasional confusion surrounding an overdrawn checking account. Is it possible that I will ever experience these feelings? I doubt it, because I am blissfully happy and secure that I have all the product I need—til Sunday’s newspaper ad supplement.

This article is meant as a tongue-in-cheek look at the life of the product hoarder, and is in no way meant to demean or belittle any addictions. This article is not meant to give advice.

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