Rants, raves and revelations depicting ‘the good, the bad and the ugly’ dating scene that is NYC, while at the same time resonating with single women everywhere
New York, the city with everything, but a dating scene, it seems.
After ten years of living in NYC I’ve come to realize it is in fact “The City With Everything” where you can have anything at any time…everything that is, excluding a committed relationship. Those are few and far between in my city...definitely not like Starbucks or Ray’s Pizza.
I think the biggest challenge is that no one moves to NYC with the intention of settling down and meeting “the one.” People move to the city to focus on their careers, to work and play hard while having as much fun as possible in the process.
After ten years of living here, I’d sum up the NYC dating scene as a seemingly never-ending string of disappointing first and last dates.
WAY more women than men and that’s before you even factor in how many of those single men are gay, vertically challenged and/or unemployed.
Also unique to dating in NYC vs. other cities is that there is a large portion of singles that are still living at home or with multiple roommates despite being in their 30’s and 40’s.
Cell phones, the Internet and what is now a multi-billion dollar dating industry have contributed to a major lack of commitment and exclusivity due to everyone’s sole commitment being to find the “next best thing”.
I’ll never forget my first singles event in the city. It was a speed dating event for singles 28-35. I’m 5’10 and don’t date guys under 6’0”. I literally walked into a sea of small, unattractive, socially awkward men. As I towered over everyone I remember thinking to myself, ‘wow, everything is BIGGER in Texas’.
The first “date” I sat down with, for what may end up being the most painful 8 minutes of my life looked up at me (he was probably like 5’3 standing) and said, “I know you, you’re on Match.Com, I emailed you 5 times and you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I paid my $40—now you have to talk to me”.
This speed dating event was what inspired the creation of my own dating service. I thought the concept of speed dating was great in the sense that it increased the odds that you would hit it off with someone; however, I still wasn’t meeting the guys I wanted to meet. That’s when it hit me…speed dating had the quantity aspect covered. If I could just find a way to incorporate the “quality” portion I could offer something the other services weren’t.
We introduced OnSpeedDating to the NYC market in 2008. Our point of difference? “Themed” events based on singles dating “deal-breakers” and 3-minute dates. Chemistry is unpredictable. What we do know is it’s usually instant, and it’s either there or it’s not. After my experience with speed dating, I figured it’s better to leave people wanting more than wanting to slit their wrists—making 3-minute dates ideal.
Think about it. Are you more likely to hit it off with someone because they fall within a 28-35 age range, or because they meet your height requirement, enjoy the same past times/hobbies as you and perhaps even share your same political views? We all have relationship “deal-breakers”, and that does not make us shallow. It just makes us singles that know what we want and I always say ‘knowing is half the battle’.
Wouldn't you feel better if you knew one of them were always by your side?
Initially we started hosting events somewhat selfishly themed around what we were “into” and looking for. For me, tall men at our “Size Matters” speed dating event for men 6’1+ where we do in fact measure to ensure men aren’t rounding up from 5’10 1/2, “Rescue Me” night for sexy, single firemen, “Date A Democrat”, and seeing as how I’m “into” the audio as much as the visual, “Men With Accents Are Hot”. For my single at the time business partner, “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”, “Hot For Teacher”, and of course “Stacked” for the breast-of-intentioned men.
Two years later we now offer over 70+ themed events including a new “Curls Gone Wild” night. Finally speed dating with a real "twist." For wild, romantic, free-spirited curly haired women and the men who LOVE them.
Would love to hear what the dating scene is like in your city. What your absolute relationship “deal-breakers” are and what, if any additional events you think we may be missing. Check out all of our upcoming speed dating NYC events and let me know what you think.