I’ve been natural for almost 3 years and after I did the Big Chop I rocked wash n’ gos. They were my go to style. They were easy, the curls were coming out in full force and I loved the style. As my hair grew, the product I used for my wash n’ gos just wasn’t working any more and I started formulating a product, and a line of products that would eventually work beautifully. However something happened. As my hair became longer I began wearing it in twist outs. The products I used to accomplish the style made my hair soft, defined my curls beautifully and gave it incredible shine. This has now replaced the wash n’ go for my go to style.
Recently, I decided to do a wash n go again. I hated it. Now don’t get me wrong, there was nothing WRONG with the look. It was big, it was curly and it was beautiful. But it wasn’t the look that I was going for. It wasn’t what I wanted. I gave my 8 month old a sideways glance. Her hair is silky, shiny, and curly and requires minimal product and manipulation to achieve what I wanted my hair to achieve. I looked back in the mirror at my hair. I wanted my daughter’s hair. In fact, the more people I saw, the more I wanted their hair and not my own. I wanted their soft texture, their curl pattern; their everything. I started thinking about my hair care regime. I put in work for my hair to look the way it does! I properly wash and condition it every 1-2 weeks, I moisturize it, I twist it (which takes time”> and I re-twist my hair every night to get the look I’m going for. I found myself wishing that I didn’t have to do all of this in order for my hair to have the finished look I wanted. I finally became so fed up that I put flat twists in my hair to give myself a psychological break.
I took them out two days later still not liking my hair. Where was this coming from? One word –disappointment.
Disappointment often comes from unmet expectations. I was disappointed that my hair wasn’t able to be manipulated into the vision I had in my mind. How many times have we looked at someone else’s hair and thought to ourselves “I love her hair!?” What we are really saying is that we want her hair. “Her” could be anyone and in my case, it was my daughter’s hair. Shame on me. I was coveting the hair of my little 8 month old daughter, with its silky texture, easy manageability and cute curls. I started thinking about the hair textures of other natural women I knew and wondering why my hair couldn’t be more like theirs. I felt like my three-year old daughter sulking in the corner when I tell her she can’t watch Treehouse. It was very childish and immature but it’s what I felt. Once my pity-party was over I looked in the mirror.
