It's dark. I'm snuggled safely in a bed that looks like mine but there's no other furniture in the room. "Hmmm, that's strange," I think as I drift off to sleep. My eyes flutter and I fight the urge to sleep—something is wrong, but I just can't figure out what.
Why is my door cracked open? Did I leave it like that? I never usually leave my door open...
Something is oddly wrong with this picture, but I fall into a deep slumber anyway. I wake up what seems days later. I'm stumbling out of bed and lift my arm to scratch my head and stretch. Wait. Something's wrong. My hair. It's flat. And I don't mean bed head. It's . . . straight. SOMEONE PUT A RELAXER IN MY HAIR WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!
My mind races. Tears blur my vision. This is too horrifying to be true. Two years happily nappy and it's all down the drain, right along with that relaxer concoction. "My life is over," I yell to the sky. I can't go on anymore. What's the point? Sure, I complained about how long it takes to detangle and how expensive natural ingredients are, but that didn't mean I didn't love my natural coils! Now I have to start all over. WHY HAVE THE GODS DONE THIS TO ME! I catch a glimpse of bone-straight, deep-brown hair brushing my shoulders. This is what I look like now.
My straight hair circa 2008. It went through cycles of growth and breakage, hence the "bangs". I had to rock them somehow
In slow motion, I see myself collapse.
Before I hit the floor, I sit straight up in my bed, sweating. I look around to make sure I'm not still dreaming. Wait. I was dreaming? There's only one way to be sure . . . I race to the bathroom, flick on the lights and see it in all its coily tangled glory: my afro smooshed perfectly on the side I sleep on. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yes, the straight hair nightmare exists.
Happy to be nappy!
Finally embracing your hair may have been a long time coming, and face it—you've fallen in LOVE with whatever your hair decides to do naturally. So when you get a whiff of a burning flat iron, the odor of a relaxer (no-lye or lye—does it really matter?) you stop dead in your tracks. Something bad's a-brewing.
Please don't get me wrong—straight hair isn't ugly. Rock what you got! It's just not what MY hair does. And if I want to wear straight styles for special occasions, I will. After all, what do we all do with straight hair for weddings and events—curl it! There's just something about striving for permanently straight hair that gives me the willies...
In the spirit of Halloween, let's take a moment to talk about our straight hair nightmares! We asked our NaturallyCurly.com Facebook friends to tell us about their straight hair nightmares. Here's what they had to say:
- Olivia Robles OMG. I thought I was the only one. I dreamt that my sister relaxed my hair while I was asleep. Oh the horror.
- Tina Michelle Yes! With a clothes iron too & it was permanent! Then I woke up.
- Nia Jones At least once a year....
The last one was even worse. i dreamt that I went to a stylist to have my hair pressed and ended up with a Jerri curl somehow and I was so distraught I had to cut all my hair off.
- Lonette Robertson When I first BC'd five years ago, I had a nightmare that I relaxed my hair. I was enjoying throwing my hair behind my shoulders in my dream, but I woke up horrified. This Saturday I just cut my hair again. No bad dreams!
- Taneisha Ingram I had nightmares every Palm Sunday as a little girl because that met my mother would straighten my hair w/ a hot comb and burn my ear the following Saturday for Easter Sunday.
- Hakim Nuraldin I dreamt last week that I was back in the salon I went to as a kid. This time before the hairdresser could touch me, I was up, out of the chair and down the street....lol With that little plastic cape on too! Lmao!
- Laura Paige Scott I had a dream I relaxed my hair and the scary part about it wasn't my straight hair but the feeling I stepped out of line with mother nature and that I was cursed. Even now sometimes I flat iron my hair and each time I do it I wind up hating it. Like I can feel my hair screaming for me to wet it. Lol
- Edna Ramos Yes! I dreamt that this young actress (can't think of her name) was putting a chemical relaxer in my hair. Next thing I knew, most of my hair had fallen out! It was such a relief waking up and feeling my big, frizzy poof on my head!
Have you had relaxer nightmares? Tell us about them in the comments area below!