There is a confrontation that occurs when women decide to go natural. We are confronted by the appearance of our hair – the texture, the curl pattern, the way the light hits the strands, the colour, the density, etc. etc. But that’s just the surface. The emotion that goes along with natural hair is real and sometimes raw. We remember how we may have been made fun of when we were younger by children of either our same ethnicity or other ethnicities, for having nappy, kinky hair. Or when young girls with the more desirable curly hair textures were liked or seen more attractive than those with tightly coiled hair. And if you’re single there may be some doubt as to whether a man will find you attractive with your big curly hair over a woman with straight and sleek hair. And don’t get me started on feelings of insecurity and acceptance in the workplace with your natural hair, especially if you work with individuals who are Caucasian.
Lastly, what about your own feeling of being attractive as you begin to embrace your natural hair after being told in subtle (and not so subtle”> ways that it wasn’t beautiful? The psychological toll can be enormous. Maybe it’s just me that felt some of these emotions stirring in me when I looked into the mirror when I did the big chop about 3 years ago, and again recently.
But I don’t think so.
These reasons, and so many more, are why many women opt to wear wigs, weaves and braids before they go natural, or while they are natural. They have no idea what to expect from the hair, how to manage it, and the emotion that can come from embracing who they truly are. In essence, they’re not ready for the confrontation and to be honest, I don’t blame them.
So here I was looking in the mirror, and seeing something different than what I’d seen over the past 2 1/2 years of being natural. I didn’t love my hair at this moment in time and I realized that this was okay. I realized that it didn’t mean I didn’t accept who I was or what God gave me; it meant that I was having a bad hair day and probably didn’t feel good about myself at this moment for a number of reasons and this played out in how I felt about my hair. I realized for me that loving my hair is a dynamic process. I will not love it at every moment in time and that’s okay. I understood that for the look I wanted my hair to achieve, I had to put more work in and that’s okay. The great thing about textured hair is that it is so malleable and workable; it can be styled and manipulated into almost any position imaginable. I settled on the fact that my wash n’ go style would result in big hair with tight s-shaped curls and that was okay and I would rock the style with confidence. Lastly, I accepted that my hair texture is what it is and I would need to fully embrace it if I am going to truly experience being natural. I realized that with proper hair care I’ve been able to achieve the softness and manageability I never thought possible, based on the texture and appearance of my hair.
One day I was speaking to a young woman at the church I attend about her natural hair. I was telling her that I was looking at her hair for a long time and secretly coveting her curls and hair texture. What she said next surprised me. She told me that while I was wishing I had her hair texture, she was wishing she had mine!
We all go through periods of time where we don’t feel or look the way we want to. We’ve all wished we had what someone else had, even when what we have is beautiful! Wearing our hair natural is a journey full of ups and downs, excitement and nervous tension. It can be frustrating and amazing at the same time. Loving our hair requires action on our part. We have to put in work both emotionally and practically to do so and we need to fully embrace our hair with all of its strengths and perceived weaknesses in order to truly accept it in its natural state. We think the grass is always greener on the other side, but if you take the time to water yours, it will be green too.
